I recently led a Diocesan Mothers' Union Quiet Day at Scole and I have been surprised at receiving a couple of requests to publish them. Well here they are but what I will say is they are not everything I said as I'm not very good at keeping to the script.

I hope they help, I did say on the day that we were only just skimming the surface as "relationships" is a pretty big area, to say the least.

 The First Address

The first address was given as short homily in the eucharist. The readings were; Romans 8: 18-27 & John 17: 20-26.

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.

Finally he went to the check-out line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."

"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mum!'? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. So, when the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mum!"

As he stepped up to the check-out counter, he saw that his total was £127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

The checkout assistant replied, "Your Mum said that you would pay for her."

Today we are thinking about relationships and how they affect us and we affect them and about the reconciliation of relationships. I’m not sure I’d like to be the person who tried to reconcile that young man and that lady.

We can smile at that little joke but when relationships go wrong they can make us and those around us deeply unhappy and sometimes can make us disable our ability to live our lives in the fullness that Jesus promised each and every one. Incidentally that promise was not made for the life to come but for our lives here and now.

But our relationships go much further than just with other people, we have a relationship with God’s creation and ultimately with God himself.

As we have heard the prayer that Jesus prayed for his disciples was not just for them, he prayed for us here today as well, “For those who will believe in me through their message,” you and me, here and now.

That we might be part of that living relationship that he is in with the Father and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

The Second Address

 

Philemon 1:1-25

Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our dear friend and fellow-worker, to Apphia our sister, to Archippus our fellow-soldier and to the church that meets in your home: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 

I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints. I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.

Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love. I then, as Paul— an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus—I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains. Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me. I am sending him— who is my very heart— back to you.

I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favour you do will be spontaneous and not forced. Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good—no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord. So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me.

I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back—not to mention that you owe me your very self. I do wish, brother, that I may have some benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ.

Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask. And one thing more: Prepare a guest room for me, because I hope to be restored to you in answer to your prayers.

Epaphras, my fellow-prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends you greetings. And so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow-workers. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

This may seem a strange place to start on a Quiet day about Relationships. I’m very sorry to the reader, I bet when you was asked to read this, I bet you thought; “Why do I always get these readings with the names in, do you know, I don’t think I’m that keen on going to the Quiet Day now!” Well you can relax now, you’ve done it very well.

The word relationship what does it actually mean;

• a relation between people or things; (`relationship' is often used where `relation' would serve, as in `the relationship between inflation and unemployment ...
• a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection); "he didn't want his wife to know of the relationship"
• a state involving mutual dealings between people or parties or countries or entities
• kinship: (anthropology) relatedness or connection by blood or marriage or adoption

Is it possible to go through life without having a relationship?

I think the answer to that is no. When we are born we are born into a relationship with our family. Whatever happens we remain in that relationship. We might not always like it but until we get old enough or circumstances change that is our first experience of relationship.

However we might deny it this first relationship goes a long way to shaping our future lives and the way we see relationship.

Unfortunately some people’s first experience of relationship are not good. It would be really good if all of us had come from happy family homes where everything was wonderful, if that was so possibly there would be no place for the Mothers’ Union some of whose aims are to protect and support family life.

When we are young, things happen that we have no control over. Abuse, death, divorce, illness, a lack of love all have their impact on a child. It would be lovely to think that everyone here had a very happy childhood but that probably isn’t so and there may some of you here today that have some very mixed feelings or hurt feelings about your early relationships.

The one thing that is certain is that whatever happens in that first relationship we carry for a long time. Sometimes, the abused, becomes the abuser, the unloved becomes the unloving, the broken become the untrusting and reluctant to enter into any relationship.

The way that we live in our modern lives that is going to become more of a problem rather than less of one.

I remember the very first assembly I took while I was undergoing Theological training. It was about families and I based it on mine. I am very blessed to have a very loving wife who makes a better vicar’s wife than I do a vicar and I have two sons of 27 & 24 who I am immensely proud of. At the end of the assembly the headmaster said to me that was a good assembly but do you know that 70-80% of the children you’ve been speaking to don’t have a mother and a father they may have a mother and a few uncles or a father and a few aunties but only about 20% have both and that was in quite an affluent part of Cardiff.

Our next experience of relationship is the day we begin school for some that is a baptism of fire whatever our relationship is with our families we are plucked from it and plunged into a strange and sometimes hostile environment.

The next thing that happens to us is when we begin to think about different relationships that first boyfriend or girlfriend and when those first relationships end, we are often left heartbroken.

Even if everything in all these relationships go well there are all sorts of other pressures placed on us by our society, conformity, fashion, aspirations, disability, media pressure etc etc, I’m sure you could think of many more. It is a wonder that by the time we become an adult we want to have a relationship at all.

But we are on the whole social creatures who are happier on the whole with others, particularly of our choosing rather than on our own.

Without going into a long and drawn out theological explanation of the passage we have heard (which I’m sure you would all love) the important thing to draw out from this reading is that reconciliation can transform hopeless relationships. Paul urged Philemon to be reconciled to his slave and to receive him as a brother and fellow member of God's family.

Reconciliation means reestablishing relationship. Christ has reconciled us to God and to others. Many barriers come between people—race, social status, sex, personality differences—but Christ can break down these barriers. Jesus Christ changed Onesimus's relationship to Philemon from slave to brother. Christ can transform our most hopeless relationships into deep and loving friendships.

Let us pray: Loving God the beginning and the ending of all our relationships, we bring to you those whom we know are having problems in their relationships. We also lift ourselves to you, what we have been, what we are and what we are to be. Where we have been part of difficult relationships help us to be able to forgive where others have been responsible and forgive us where we have been responsible for difficult relationships help us to reconcile with them and with you in the name of Jesus Christ who died that we might be reconciled to you. Amen.

 

The Third Address

  2 Corinthians 5: 11-21

Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart.

If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.

And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

So from now on we regard no-one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

 

It would be very easy to believe that we live in a Godless world, one could become depressed just by reading the newspaper or watching the news every day. There is not a day that goes by where there is not some sickening story, except perhaps in August when all the journalists and media controllers go on holiday. Only then does the lighter side of the news seem to break through into our lives.

Perhaps we should rejoice at that because it means that the bad news is still the extraordinary and that the good news is still the predominant factor in our daily lives.

But we must also be careful because to believe in a Godless or a sinful world means that our trust is not in God, that God is not working his purpose out with his creation.

The whole of the Bible is a dialogue between God and his creation, some of it is dialogue between him and us, some of it is between him and creation and some of it is between us and his creation and the thing that binds it all together is the sacrifice that God made in giving his Son for the sin of this world.

It would be very easy to think that it really has nothing to do with us that it is the sinful that need to change their ways but it has everything to do with us. We are the Body of Christ as St. Teresa of Avila said; “Christ has no body now but yours.
No hands, no feet on earth but yours. Your’s are the eyes through which He looks compassion on this world Christ has no body now on earth but yours.”

Reconciliation is the central message of the gospel. God brings us back to himself (reconciles us) by blotting out our sins (see also Ephes. 2:13-18) and making us righteous. We are no longer God's enemies, or strangers or foreigners to him when we trust in Christ. Because we have been reconciled to God, we have the privilege of encouraging others to do the same, and thus we are those who have the "task of reconciling people to him."

All of us have a part to play in reconciling relationships but where do we begin, the task is so daunting that it is almost overwhelming. I envy women who are such great multi-taskers, Motherhood is a great gift and a great preparation for the ministry of reconciliation. It is a very old one and I am sure you’ve heard it but there is a Jewish proverb which says; “God couldn’t be everywhere, so he created mothers!”

We must always begin where we are. Look at the relationships that you are in, do they need mending or strengthening. Look at the relationships around you, in your family, your church, your friends. Look at your community, your country, the world.

All of us, whether we like or not are going to have to do something about our relationship with God’s creation, if not for our preservation for the preservation of our children and their children.

Look at your relationship with God, when was the last time you walked and talked with God, when was the last time you shared your burdens and your pain with Christ, when was the last time you asked the Holy Spirit for wisdom, discernment or strength to tackle or problem or to make a decision. When did you or me last renew our commitment to love and serve our neighbour and our God.

There is much to do in our lives and in the world and so little time to do it and perhaps the time is shorter than we might believe. We need to start now, right here, right now. Is there a relationship in this church that you need to mend before you go home today?

Some of you might say the task is to difficult or I live alone and what can I do all alone?

You can do the most important part of all and that is to pray. If there is a person or persons you can bring before God in prayer, a relationship, yours or someone else’s.

God does hear and answers our prayers but we also need to listen and hear him because quite often we are the answer to our own prayer if only we would trust God and do what he tells.

Don’t be like the vicar who on his 100^th birthday fell to his knees and said; “Almighty God, I have prayed to you day and night for a 100 years and yet you have never once spoken to me, I just don’t know what to say anymore and he fell silent. God said to him; “Thank goodness for that, I’ve been trying to speak to you for ages, but I’ve just not been able to get a word in edgeways.”

I hope I’ve given you some encouragement in your pilgrimage into God and in your most important ministry, the most important thing about a Quiet day is the quiet and I hope and pray that God has spoken to you this day.

Perhaps we should leave the last words to Julian of Norwich, whose life we give thanks for today. If we could just take these words to heart, then all of our relationships would be transformed: “The fullness of joy is to behold God in all.” To see God in everything and in everybody would transform not only our lives but our world as well.

Let us pray: Loving Father, we’re not always very good in living our lives, especially when it comes to relationships. Help us to put our trust in you; that holding your hand and listening to your voice we may be confident in you leading us to those places where we can serve you best. We ask this in the name that is above all names, Jesus Christ our Lord. In the power and strength of the Holy Spirit. In the relationship which binds all relationships together, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.