THE UPPER WAVENEY BENEFICE
Bressingham-Fersfield-North Lopham-Roydon-South Lopham
Marriage Preparation Evening
Welcome to our marriage preparation evening. Please note that it is a marriage preparation evening and not a wedding preparation evening, although there will be elements of both.
There are various married couples from our Benefice; some have been married for many years others have been married for less than a year. Some have been married after a divorce or a bereavement. Please feel free to talk to them, they won’t bite or quote Bible passages at you (I hope) they’re here because as a church we not only want you to have a special day on your wedding day but to have a special marriage together after the wedding.
There is also one of our organists here who can help you with any queries you might have about music or hymns (neither of which are compulsory) but if chosen well can make a wedding day special.
There are plenty of books to look at but can I ask you not to take them. They are all freely available from www.amazon.co.uk (please go through our deanery website and then we earn a very little amount from Amazon but not you; www.buy.at/thebenefice ).
If you have a copy of your service with you (it doesn’t matter if you haven’t) please have a word with me about it.
Check List
We are so nice to you! Here is a list of things you need to check for the church part of your wedding day:
1. Book the date Have you booked your date through me and given us me all your contact details, names, addresses, phone numbers, etc?
2. Have you visited a church service? This is so you can experience a church service before your wedding day and introduce yourself to the Rector? (Don't worry, he doesn't bite - I don't think)
3. Return your Marriage Application Form Have you completed and returned the form? We need to have this as soon as possible.
4. Make your choices have you chosen your Bible reading, hymns and entry and exit music? Please let us know your choices. Have you also chosen a friend or relative to read the reading (it’s a good way to include people in the service)?
5. Pay the fees Have you paid us the fees for your wedding? This must take place no later than three weeks before your wedding day, if you are paying by cheque. They can be paid in cash at the rehearsal.
6. Put your rehearsal date in your diary. Your wedding rehearsal will take place at a mutually convenient date within two weeks of your wedding day. You need to arrange this with the Rector. Have you put this date in your diary?
7. Arrange the flowers Have you contacted the lady in the church who arranges the flowers for your wedding? You must do this no less than four weeks before your wedding day. Even if you wish to have your own flowers you must still let us know! Please remember to consult the Rector as to the positioning of the flowers in the church (we don’t want you hidden by a flower arrangement, however lovely it may look). Please also remember that not all the flowers can be removed from the church after the wedding, again you will need to consult with the Rector as to which ones have to stay and which ones you can take.
8. Submit your Banns Certificate If one or both of you live outside the parish then you must contact your local vicar(s) and ask them to publish your banns of marriage in your local church, this is your responsibility. He or she will then give you a certificate that you must give to us. If you do not, then we cannot marry you! Your banns of marriage will also be published in our church. Banns need to be called on three consecutive Sundays within three months of the marriage. Although we don’t blackmail you into attending the services where the banns are to be read it is nice to for the worshipping community to welcome you. (To be quite honest, they like to make a fuss of you).
9. Submit your Order of Service for proof reading Have you given us the draft version of your Order of Service so we can proof-read it, check it and give you the go-ahead to print?
Please remember that normally we can be quite flexible in the church, so if there is a hitch with other arrangements we can quite often (but not always) change times or even dates.
Please remember that although your wedding is important to you and to us, that it is only a small amount of what goes on in our five parishes and that the Rector runs the day to day running of the parishes single handed without a secretary. If there is a delay in getting back to you we do apologise. The best way to contact the Rector, if you have the facilities is by email; robmellowship@msn.com
The Service
You will find the full service here
This is an outline order of service and below, we have included some of the content of the service. Don't worry, you don't have to remember or memorise anything (except I will)! The Rector will take you through the service; tell you when to stand, sit and sing and what to say and when. You will have a full rehearsal so you can go through everything before the day.
The wedding services that the Rector takes are very informal and relaxed and it is not been unknown for the congregation to laugh at some points. We want you and your congregation to enjoy the service and to take away a positive feeling about the church. If a mistake should happen, which they very rarely do, it is no big deal and if anything will make your wedding day rather than spoil it.
How you should lay your Service Leaflet out
Front Page
Picture of church or other suitable picture
Name of church
Date & Time
Officiating Minister: The Rev’d. Rob Mellowship Rector of The Upper Waveney Benefice
Inside Pages
The Marriage Service
Entrance of the Bride
Introduction & Welcome
(Hymn including words if there are three hymns)
Preface
The Declarations
Reading (1st if there is more than one)
(Hymn including words if there are two hymns)
Reading (2nd if there is more than one)
Address
The Marriage
The Vows
The Giving of Ring (rings if there are two)
The Blessing of the Marriage
The Proclamation
Prayers
Blessing
(Hymn including words if there are two hymns)
Registration
Exit of the newly married couple
Back Page (Suitable decoration or overflow from above)
Most people produce their own order of service at home but you can use a professional printing service, we do have some samples for you to look at.
What will I need to choose?
1. You will need to choose entry and exit music, hymns, music during the signing of the registers and a Bible reading.
Then what?
Once you have chosen your Bible reading, hymns and entry and exit music you will need to produce your own order of service. You can go to a professional publisher however you can produce something that looks just as professional on your home computer at a fraction of the cost! Once you have produced the outline order of service, please hand it in to Rob so he can proof-read it and check that everything is okay before you print off the final copies.
Music
You will need to choose entry and exit music, hymns and music to be played during the signing of the registers. We have flexible organists (not that they are bendy, but they can play most things!) but if you want something unusual you must give us plenty of notice because we might need to buy the music. CD music is acceptable but why have something recorded when you can have the real thing. The organist’s fee is not optional, even if you arrange your own organist (which you can do but only with the prior permission of the Rector) the organist’s fees still have to be paid.
Entry and exit music
The traditional entry music is The Brides Chorus from Lohengrin by Wagner. The traditional exit music is The Wedding March from A Midsummer Night's Dream by Mendelssohn. However, you are also free to choose your own selections.
Hymns
Normally couples choose two hymns (but you can have more), but if your wedding is very small or you all hate singing, then you don't have to have any.
Signing of the Registers
At the end of the service you and your spouse (yes, you'll be married at this point) will sign the registers. You will need to choose two witnesses that are over 18 years of age and British citizens and these witnesses will also sign the registers (they can anyone of your choice family or friends but you have to tell them before the service and they have to meet the above legal criterion). This can all take a few minutes so usually, some music is provided. You can choose to have a friend sing or play, or you can choose a piece of music for the organist to play. Alternatively, you can let the organist choose something appropriate.
Flowers
The ladies who do the arranging normally do so free of charge (where there is a charge it is only normally a fraction of what you would pay a florist), and they also provide 99% of the greenery themselves. They do this with love and on the understanding that the flowers will remain in the church for the parishioners to enjoy. If you wish to have more arrangements or take the flowers with you then you will need to speak to the Rector or whoever is responsible for the flowers.
You will also need to check with the Rector the positioning of the arrangements (believe me, some weddings have been spoilt by overzealous flower arrangers who completely obliterate the couple)!
Bells
We have a fine ring of bells in three of our churches; Bressingham, North Lopham and South Lopham. If you have bells at your wedding please remember that the Rector has to employ them and that their fee at moment is £120 and sometimes (it never has done yet in this Benefice) due to illnesses or other commitments they can’t fulfil their duties. If such an occasion should arise your Bellringer’s fee will be refunded in full. Normally the bells are rung at the entrance and exit of the bride, although sometimes (and again it is has never happened in our Benefice) it happens that they have to leave before the wedding to fulfil another commitment.
Rehearsal
The wedding rehearsal is where we have a run through of the wedding with you and your wedding party. Wedding rehearsals are a lot of fun and it will take a lot of pressure off you when you know what happens and when!
The rehearsal usually lasts between forty five minutes and an hour
Please bring as many of the wedding party as possible to the rehearsal; you and your fiancé, bridesmaids, page boys, best men, mums/dads/parents or guardians, readers (if a friend is reading the Bible passage), etc. The only people who are absolutely essential for the rehearsal are you, the couple.
Please also bring your order of service - enough to go round!
At the rehearsal we will run through the whole wedding - all the words and readings and you will get a chance to practice your declarations and vows. (It is possible to have different vows but only with the express permission of the Rector, so please check with him before you set your heart on a particular set of vows).
Wedding rehearsals usually take place during the two weeks before your wedding at a mutually convenient time & date. Sometimes the only possible time is the evening before but this is not the best time for you.
Children
If you have children it is good to have them involved in the wedding so as they feel part of it. We normally discuss the best way for this to happen (if you want it) at the rehearsal.
Please don’t worry about children at your wedding, all of our churches are family friendly and even if something goes wrong the children quite often make a service. If you have children taking part in the service, especially young ones, don’t expect too much of them and be relaxed about them taking part, we are.
Photographers & Videos
You are expected to arrange any photographers for your wedding but they are expected to work within certain parameters. All the local photographers will know this already and the Rector has a good relationship with them all. If you have someone, such as a friend or member of the family who isn’t a professional, it is a good idea to encourage them to come along to the rehearsal or to contact the Rector before the service. (It is possible for a well meaning amateur to ruin your day. Photographs may be important but not as important as you are).
If you have someone videoing your wedding the Rector is legally required to tell you that they require a Performing Right’s Licence to film in a church. Please speak to the Rector about this.
Collection
A plate is always put out at the wedding service. Each of our churches has to find it’s own running costs. (They are approx. Bressingham £280, Fersfield £175, North Lopham £300, Roydon £580 and South Lopham £250 These are all WEEKLY figures). The only way we can get anywhere near those figures is for the people who use the churches to give generously. There are envelope schemes in all of our churches where we can claim back the current rate of income tax at no cost to you. We know you pay fees for your wedding but only a proportion of these go to the parish and NONE of it goes to the Rector. The organist’s, bellringer’s and verger’s fees are paid direct to them in full. The Rector also pays the cost of your wedding certificate.
The Rector’s contact details are:
The Rev’d. Rob Mellowship
The Rectory High Road Bressingham Diss Norfolk IP22 2AT
01379 688267
robmellowship@msn.com
This document is copyrighted to The Upper Waveney Benefice and The Archbishop’s Council of
The Church of England
(c) Rob Mellowship AD2008